PMC 2013 and Self Awareness

I have not written a post for a long time. No good reason except that I have not been able to ride so posting on a cycling blog seemed pointless.

The end of my 2012 cycling year was not pretty. My physical ailments continued and, despite my attempts to continue riding and recovering, by mid-January I had crashed and burned. I committed to ride the Pan Mass Challenge just after the 1st of the year with the best of intentions and a hopeful heart, but my abilities diminished exponentially. My new Dr., head of a surgical unit at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, tried a few treatments and then scheduled another surgery for mid April. Through February and March, I was not able to do much more than the minimum physically. Thank goodness, I was able to work from home (my employer was incredibly supportive) and I would have gone crazy if not for the love and support of Gail, Alex and Meg throughout my illness. By April I was ready for the procedure and the healing process which would allow me to return to my old self.

Then three days before my surgery the Boston Marathon was bombed. I felt like an incredible wuss.
There I was, whining about my personal pain while others were recovering from an incredible act of cowardice and terrorism and suffering untenable injuries. Guilt was strong that week.

I had the surgery (locked down in the Hospital while the Tsarnaev brothers were hunted and caught) and soon was at home recovering. By May, I was feeling better and was anxious to get back in the saddle. My surgeon had other ideas and advised that it would be at least mid Summer before I could ride. At a follow-up visit, that changed to late Summer and when I asked if I would be able to ride the Pan Mass Challenge, his response was an emphatic "No".  Despite my longing to ride, he was looking out for my best interests and long term health. He told me that, even if I was recovered enough to ride by August, I could not train enough to participate in the PMC. My hopes were dashed.

Then, I got over myself.

One day, while appreciating the tremendous volume of donations people had made to support my PMC effort, it dawned on me that this was not about me and my ride, it was and is about all the people that Dana Farber Cancer Institute and the Pan Mass Challenge helps. Whether I was able to ride did not matter. What matters is the kindness of all those who make contributions in support of the PMC and the good works that DFCI does year in and year out.

On August 3rd and 4th, Gail and I watched and cheered for the PMC riders as they endured the physical challenges of 192 miles in two days. Many friends including John, Laurie, Darlene, Tony, Fran, Lynn, Allan, John and many others were on the route giving their energy and efforts to help beat this awful disease. We cheered, rang a cowbell and tried to show our appreciation for all their efforts. I wished that I was riding with them but watching afforded me a different perspective on the ride and the cause for which they rode. It was wonderful.

I truly hope that I will have more chances to ride in the Pan Mass Challenge. But, if I can't, thousands of other riders will carry the torch and continue to raise funds for cancer research and treatment. PMC is an amazing organization which supports an extraordinary cause. PMC will continue until the only people who need it are cancer survivors.

This past year, I was humbled by my inability and yet reinvigorated by the realization that I have been and, hopefully, will be part of a cause much bigger than any individual, including me.

I now have started riding again. Short distances initially but I am hopeful that I will be back to longer rides soon. No matter what, I will continue to support the PMC and cancer research/treatment.

That is what really matters.

2012 Ends and 2013 Begins

Well I usually try to be upbeat about the year end and all the accomplishments that I have achieved, miles ridden, hills climbed, sprints, pacelines and overall positive philosophy but I take a different tone this year.

With the above as a caveat and preface, I will now go back to my more normal approach and talk about how the beginning and middle of the year were great, no beyond great. Spectacular.

I started the year with a strong base of more than 3,000 miles in 2011 and continued to follow and even increase that pace with hard training, better nutrition and a clear focus: Be a better rider, get to 4,000 miles, ride at least three century (100 mile) rides and ride more with my South Shore friends.

April through June were wonderful and I felt like I was on track to achieve all my goals. This was especially true in May when I discovered that my cyclometer had been calibrated incorrectly (yes, by me) and I was actually several hundred miles closer to my goal than I thought. I was also 10% faster than I thought. It was all good until the end of June when I started experiencing some health issues.

These health issues (lower intestinal) were painful but seemed to actually improve when I rode so I continued and even increased my pace and, as you can see from the post below, had an exceptional experience at the Pan Mass Challenge raising more funds than ever and riding really strongly with two very good friends and very strong riders.

Then the crap hit the fan.

Within the next few weeks, my symptoms increased and became increasingly painful. Visits to my Dr and then to a specialist yielded no positive results and I had to start cancelling rides. Then I had to start cancelling more and more until I not only wasn't riding, I was not able to do much of anything.
Surgery was scheduled, strong medication helped get me through the day and finally a procedure was performed to alleviate the pain and correct the issue. Long and short, it helped some but did not do what it was intended to do. Two week recovery turned into more than three months and, while some of the symptoms are gone, I still cannot be back in the saddle very much. VERY FRUSTRATING!!

I ended the year with just under 3,000 miles instead of 4,000 and cancelled all my group rides from Oct through Dec. I'll say it again. VERY FRUSTRATING!!

Now, in 2013, I am a little better but still not back. I am seeking additional help from the best Dr in this field in Boston and by Feb I will know what I need to do to move forward. I have decided that if he says that there is nothing that can be done, I will go back to Rule 5 from the Apostles and get over it.

Who knows what the year will bring but I will think positively, work hard and even do what I am told by the Dr. Yes, I will participate in the PMC again this year. That is my goal. I will do so because it is not about me, it is about fighting cancer.

So, sorry this is not more upbeat, but maybe it really is. In a weird way perhaps I am feeling the need to conquer adversity so that I can help others and, as a byproduct, be a stronger person, mentally if not physically.

2013 is another year of challenge. Just a different kind.

D