I have not written a post for a long time. No good reason except that I have not been able to ride so posting on a cycling blog seemed pointless.
The end of my 2012 cycling year was not pretty. My physical ailments continued and, despite my attempts to continue riding and recovering, by mid-January I had crashed and burned. I committed to ride the Pan Mass Challenge just after the 1st of the year with the best of intentions and a hopeful heart, but my abilities diminished exponentially. My new Dr., head of a surgical unit at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, tried a few treatments and then scheduled another surgery for mid April. Through February and March, I was not able to do much more than the minimum physically. Thank goodness, I was able to work from home (my employer was incredibly supportive) and I would have gone crazy if not for the love and support of Gail, Alex and Meg throughout my illness. By April I was ready for the procedure and the healing process which would allow me to return to my old self.
Then three days before my surgery the Boston Marathon was bombed. I felt like an incredible wuss.
There I was, whining about my personal pain while others were recovering from an incredible act of cowardice and terrorism and suffering untenable injuries. Guilt was strong that week.
I had the surgery (locked down in the Hospital while the Tsarnaev brothers were hunted and caught) and soon was at home recovering. By May, I was feeling better and was anxious to get back in the saddle. My surgeon had other ideas and advised that it would be at least mid Summer before I could ride. At a follow-up visit, that changed to late Summer and when I asked if I would be able to ride the Pan Mass Challenge, his response was an emphatic "No". Despite my longing to ride, he was looking out for my best interests and long term health. He told me that, even if I was recovered enough to ride by August, I could not train enough to participate in the PMC. My hopes were dashed.
Then, I got over myself.
One day, while appreciating the tremendous volume of donations people had made to support my PMC effort, it dawned on me that this was not about me and my ride, it was and is about all the people that Dana Farber Cancer Institute and the Pan Mass Challenge helps. Whether I was able to ride did not matter. What matters is the kindness of all those who make contributions in support of the PMC and the good works that DFCI does year in and year out.
On August 3rd and 4th, Gail and I watched and cheered for the PMC riders as they endured the physical challenges of 192 miles in two days. Many friends including John, Laurie, Darlene, Tony, Fran, Lynn, Allan, John and many others were on the route giving their energy and efforts to help beat this awful disease. We cheered, rang a cowbell and tried to show our appreciation for all their efforts. I wished that I was riding with them but watching afforded me a different perspective on the ride and the cause for which they rode. It was wonderful.
I truly hope that I will have more chances to ride in the Pan Mass Challenge. But, if I can't, thousands of other riders will carry the torch and continue to raise funds for cancer research and treatment. PMC is an amazing organization which supports an extraordinary cause. PMC will continue until the only people who need it are cancer survivors.
This past year, I was humbled by my inability and yet reinvigorated by the realization that I have been and, hopefully, will be part of a cause much bigger than any individual, including me.
I now have started riding again. Short distances initially but I am hopeful that I will be back to longer rides soon. No matter what, I will continue to support the PMC and cancer research/treatment.
That is what really matters.
